How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
tell me about the fingering
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