Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
even my farts smell like vagina
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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