overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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