suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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