We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
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Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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