Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
