do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
