life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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