oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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