My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
