i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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