sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
