If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
