if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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