...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
