so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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