Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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