I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
