I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
