Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
