now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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