cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
