I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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