I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize