I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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