if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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