I hate your face
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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