Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
drinking out of a sandbucket again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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