another moral hangover. fuck.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
