Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize