he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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