Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
