Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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