I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize