so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
