i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
