marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Houston, we have a squirter
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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