Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
