Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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