How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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