It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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