listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
