she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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