I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
