Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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