Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
