Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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