omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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