Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
