Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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