Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
