Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
