Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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