you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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