Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
