I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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