I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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