I wish I could teleport
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
