he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
