Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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