Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
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I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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