Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
