She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
