Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
