you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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