Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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