so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
