The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
