Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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