I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
