You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
