11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
