Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
