I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
