I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
